Slowly the land regains its color
Up on the hillside three deer move
Cautiously driven by hunger, two
Of them still wobbly on their too-
Long legs. Wherever mama deer
Goes they go too, the north star
In their sky, seeing constellations
In the land I’ll never see, speaking
Languages I’ll never know. But
There is something I recognize
In their bodies, my babies and I
Too, the same nuzzles and gazes
Eyes and ears and noses attuned
Wherever I go, they follow, clinging
To me not only for sustenance
and sleep but also direction and
Orientation. Baby deer are so
Attuned to her body, every twitch
O the tail, and now her head jerks
Toward them sharply. Mama deer
Must’ve said something, for off
They go on those shaky legs
Maybe they’re just cold, my first-
Born always says I’m the warmest
Person in the world. There’s nothing
Better than their bodies curled
Into mine like they still fit there
Perfectly, though it can be hard
For me to slow down enough
Sometimes, just be present. Don’t
I recognize my own need for it
Too? Far more than all the things
I’m being sold every time I open
A screen, things I never wanted
And don’t know what even do with
They can’t give me a fraction of
What this does, a quiet May day
Watching deer on the hillside
My own babe pressed against my
Chest, his body rising and falling
Wide open mouth, sometimes it
Curls into a smile, the sweetest
Dream. Oh dear time, can’t you
Stop, just this once? Wait, wasn’t
It i who was trying to lay him down
Earlier, frustrated he refuses to
Sleep anywhere except my body
Nine months he’s been out
In the world and still I’m home
When I look up again, it’s only her
I see, the young deer are gone
A person comes rounding the
Corner in his fast runner’s pace
She must’ve warned them, told
Them, Go, babies, go. Now
She stands frozen like a brown
Tree trunk and nothing more
Till he’s out of sight. The young
Deer trickle back just as my baby
Pops up crying. How long did
He sleep? I forgot to check
The clock. Do deer fight sleep
Too? I don’t see mama deer
Stressing about all that, the wild
World still free from clocks and
Calendars, mirrors and screens
Oh dear time, what is to come
Of us, of those still lucky enough
To be wild? My doctor said
Whenever I kiss my baby, his
Bacteria goes into my body and
Informs it how to formulate my
Milk into just the right cocktail
Containing all the nutrients and
Antibodies my he needs at this
Particular moment. Just the
Wildest thing ever. My body
A medicine chest. How can I feel
So damn empty sometimes
When I contain so much? Every
Thing I deeply yearn for, I also
Fear. And everything I fear, I
Deeply want. Motherhood was
Like that too. For so long
I kept saying no when I wanted
To say yes. Come wild ones
Shatter me in all dimensions
Put me back together as I should
Have always been. Did you know
Deer mamas will rush to the aid
Of crying human babies, risking
Their lives by running out of the
Forest into our clamorous world
Because their bodies can’t help
But respond to the crying? It’s true
I can feel physically ill when
I hear babies screaming. Pick up
Your baby, I once said to a mother
Pushing her shrieking newborn
Around in a stroller. Dear mama
Looked up, caught in headlights
As if she’d been sleepwalking
Should I really? she asked. Well
Of course why wouldn’t you?
They told me babies like these
strollers. Well my babies didn’t
Broke my heart for all mothers
So stuck in their heads. For all
Women, so disembodied. That’s
Where it all is. In the body
Even deer mamas know, it’s all
Within us, way beyond us, it
Speaks languages we never knew
We had. Skin to skin, breath
By Breath, the beat of our
Hearts transmitting everything
